You can see them, circling in the water, sniffing for blood, seeking their prey, and preparing to go in for the kill. Who are they?
Ravenous homeschool mothers on a quest to find husbands for their single daughters.
Let’s be real dear fellow homeschool moms, we all want to see our daughters happily married to godly young men. We all want to know that our daughters are well cared for, settled, and starting their own families. It is a natural desire. The problem starts, however, when a homeschool mom begins to view her daughter as some sort of chattel to pawn off, taking the matchmaking task out of God’s hands and targeting young men that she deems desirable suitors. She becomes a predator, conniving, manipulating, and gnashing her razor sharp teeth at any and all unmarried females she perceives as a threat to securing her personal choice of a husband for her daughter. I know. I’ve seen these great whites in action. And perhaps you may recognize some of the following tactics.
First, there is the mother whose radar can detect anything male and single the moment he steps into the foyer of her church. When this mother’s radar detector starts beeping she suddenly realizes that the pew her family has occupied since the collapse of the Berlin wall is right under the air conditioning vent, so she decides to move the entire family to the other side of the church where it just so happens an attractive single young man always sits. She strategically positions her daughter so that the targeted prey has a perfect view of said daughter’s gorgeous profile during the sermon. Then, when meet and greet starts, she sweetly shakes her quarry’s hand, introduces herself and adds “Oh, and this is my daughter Tallulah,” all the while resisting the urge to add, “She’s single, 22, a natural blonde, and has all her own teeth.” She refrains, however, and instead asks him what he does for a living. When he responds that he sells farming equipment to aborigines she looks surprised and says, “What a coincidence! Tallulah has her own organic garden and she just got back from a mission trip where she took care of orphaned aboriginal children.”
Next we have the, “Let’s get to know the attractive single man’s mother” ploy. The matrimonially motivated mom somehow manages to find a way to strike up a conversation with the single gentleman’s unsuspecting mother and “Wow! Isn’t it amazing how similar our families are?” “You have a brother that attended The University of Tunisia? Really, my second cousin twice removed went there!” Your grandfather was from Bulgaria? Amazing, my Aunt Bertha visited Bulgaria back in the seventies when she was on tour with Led Zeppelin.” “Don’t we have a lot in common? Let’s get our families together.”
And then there is my personal favorite, the Facebook stalking mom who keeps track of all the single young men who currently have girlfriends. This mom, realizing that sometimes relationships break-up, has her FB account set up in such a way that she is immediately notified when a relationship status changes from “in a relationship” to “single.” “The poor fellow,” she thinks to herself, “he needs comforting.” And who would be a better person to help him get through the painful break-up than her Tallulah? “Tallulah dear, poor Renaldo’s heart is breaking. Put on your new chiffon dress with matching high heels and take him a bundt cake.”
O.K. Perhaps I embellished a bit here and there, but I have seen some pretty nasty finagling from some homeschool moms. And what I’d like to say to these mothers is, “stop your scheming and stop your worrying. God is sovereign. He knows far better than we do who is right for our precious girls. And if we’ve raised our daughters to be upright, discerning, God-fearing young women, we should be able to trust their judgment in picking a future spouse.”
So moms, let’s stop the frenzy. Let’s get back on dry land and let our little fish swim freely in safe waters.
Oh, by the way, did I mention I have three unmarried sons…