Some married men cannot be trusted. They practice deceit on a regular basis. These husbands go behind the backs of their wives, hide incriminating evidence, and sneak off to forbidden locations for a rendezvous with…
…a Big Mac, a large fry, and an extra large Dr. Pepper.
A lot of ladies out there have gotten into eating nutritiously. They choose organic foods and serve their families an abundance of veggies, fruits, grains, and lean meats. They promote gluten free, dairy free, and sugar free foods. And many husbands, often for the sake of peace within their homes, go along with it. But, when they are at work, away from their wives’ nutritional supervision, they lead a double life.
I know. I’ve heard their confessions.
Take for example Geraldo. Geraldo’s wife Consuelo is stick skinny. She lives on such tasty things as organic smoothies and salad. When Geraldo is home with Consuelo he eats the food she serves. Yet I knew instantly that Geraldo had something happening on the sly. You don’t get a potbelly from greens and granola. Nope. No detoxing going on in Geraldo’s body. So I asked him (when Consuelo was out of the room) if he always ate healthy when he was away from home. Initially, Geraldo wouldn’t make eye contact with me, but from the little smile that was playing around the corners of his mouth I knew he sensed I was a co-conspirator and he whispered…
“Well, I try. But sometimes I’ll grab a burger when I’m at work.”
Catching his eye, I gave him a knowing look. Geraldo and I understood one another completely.
And then there is Sven. Sven’s wife Inga is not quite as skinny as Consuelo but she eats nothing that she doesn’t grow herself or at least purchases from her local whole food store. She spends hours each day in her garden cultivating the most nutritious food possible for her family. Sugar and milk are blasphemous to her way of thinking. But Sven, like Geraldo, has a little meat on his bones, and I had an idea that something covert was going on. So I asked him (when Inga was involved in conversation elsewhere) how he liked avoiding sugar. Like Geraldo, Sven looked elsewhere. He fidgeted nervously but then realized that I was an ally.
“From time to time I pick up a package of Oreos,” he confessed and then added, “The problem is that I can’t eat just a couple. I devour the entire package!”
It was just as I thought.
And finally there is Octavius. Octavius’ wife Delphina works out everyday of the week. Her biggest fear in life is gluten so she scours the shelves of Trader Joes and Sprouts to find products that have never come within 100 miles of a wheat field. She bakes a wide assortment of interesting foods, none of them containing anything resembling flour. But Octavius looks like he was born next to the Hostess bakery. So I asked him (when Delphina was momentarily distracted) if he always managed to stay gluten free. Like his predecessors, Octavius wouldn’t look me in the eye. He began to sweat until I patted his arm and told him I understood his plight. Calmed and soothed, Octavius opened his heart to me.
“I try to live up to Delphina’s gluten free standards but Little Debbie’s are my weakness so I keep a stash in the glove compartment of my car. Don’t give me away.”
I told Octavius I would take his secret to my grave. (Or at least until I plastered his plight all over my blog!)
Stories such as these have convinced me that nutritional indiscretions are rampant throughout America. Men everywhere are cheating on their wives…and enjoying every minute of it! So ladies, what say you?
Could you be married to a husband who cheats?
Note: The names in this article have been changed to protect the guilty.