“Ladies in bunches always filled me with vague apprehension and a firm desire to be elsewhere.”
-Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
Most Christian women love women’s ministries. They look forward to gathering together and communing with their own gender at various functions including, and most especially, women’s Bible studies. But, I have a confession to make. I hate women’s Bible studies. I do!
For the last 25 years my husband has been encouraging me to attend female only studies, and for the last 25 years I have avoided attending female only studies because they are all alike. Every women’s Bible study that I have ever attended has the same elements, and they drive me crazy! For example…
At every women’s study there is always at least one person who cries, and usually numerous people that cry. Now don’t get me wrong, I can cry with the best of them and sometimes crying is justified. Someone could be going through a divorce, or has a wayward child, or has lost a loved one. These are legitimate reasons for tears. But other times??? I remember one instance when there was a young newlywed who was all broken up because she couldn’t go shopping for clothes as much as she did before she was married. “It’s just so hard!” she cried to the group. And then of course, all the ladies got up from their seats and surrounded her and laid hands on her telling her things like, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” Within moments it had turned into a bunch of bawling women sharing spiritual clichés and their own experiences about not being able to shop till they drop!
Another thing that irritates me with women’s studies is what they study. I’ve never understood why men get to study things like: A Canonical & Synthetic Approach to New Testament Theology,” “Philosophical Hermeneutics,” “Exegetical Fallacies,” or “Church History, Doctrine, & Ecclesiology.” But women? We study things like: “Are you a Mary or a Martha?” “Keepers of the Home,” “Being a Woman of Encouragement,” or Refreshing your Heart.” Why do the guys get the deep stuff and we get the fluff? And then of course our flowery studies come with workbooks that ask questions like: “In what ways have you refreshed your heart today?” “How can you encourage others to refresh their hearts?” or “Can you think of some Biblical examples of women refreshing their hearts?”
And then there is the wonderful question that is always asked at every Bible study: “What does this verse mean to you?” And inevitably you get answers like: “God is always with me and will help me through the storm,” or “Let’s all just love Jesus!” No one ever realizes that it’s not about what you think it means, or what you want it to mean, it’s about what it actually says. Many of the women at these study groups rarely look at the context of the verse, or the cultural meaning at the time of its writing, or what the original Greek and Hebrew meaning of the words actually were. It’s all touchy feely, mushy gushy, what it means to me, how do I feel, stuff.
Then, of course, there is always one woman that takes over the meeting. She has to relay every personal experience she has ever had that in some way or another, in her mind, relates to the topic being discussed. She answers every question from the workbook extensively and thoroughly. And then, everybody nods and smiles. But you know what they’re really thinking: “When is she going to shut up?” Be honest ladies. You know it’s true!
There used to be one redeeming factor at women’s Bible studies. Women used to bring really good food. We used to have donuts and quiche for brunch, fried chicken and potato salad for luncheons, and three-cheese lasagna and chocolate cake for dinners. Not anymore. Now everything is organic, whole wheat, gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, high-fructose-corn-syrup-free, and most definitely flavor-free. And with the edible food gone, that one remaining lure for me to attend a woman’s Bible study is kaput!
Does this level of honesty make you uncomfortable? Does it make me unspiritual for saying what I really feel? I’m sure some people will think so. But, since we’re being honest, I believe a lot of women think the same thing, they just don’t want to admit it. Perhaps you have seen the scene in the film, “Mom Night Out” that depicts women at a Bible study. They are sitting in a living room listening to a woman talk about how God gave her a parking space at a shopping center, all the while texting each other and making faces about the woman that is talking. And the pastor’s wife is doing the smiling and nodding thing I previously mentioned. So you see, other people think these things too; it’s not just me.
I know that as believers we need to have fellowship and that women need to spend time together and share their hearts with one another. But in all honesty, I would much rather simply call up a friend and go out for coffee or dinner than to have to read through a book I have no interest in and give fluffy answers to a series of contrived questions so I will fit in with a bunch of overly emotional women who eat nothing but kale and kumquats!
With that said I have one final thought:
“Hey Barb! Wanna go to Panera for some Mac and Cheese?”
January 28, 2024 at 3:52 am
I have been concerned & unhappy with women’s Bible studies for years. I’ve experienced too much self-help talk, fluff & stuff & general conversation that isn’t pertinent & takes up class time. Most books ask questions I.e. how does that make you feel or wants to dig up our past issues & feelings/etc. I laid down my past/etc & I should talk about it…why? I’m in agreement that we need fellowship but a Bible study is to learn more about our Lord, to spiritually grow & to edify one another through scripture. I heard this once “the fact that I am a women doesn’t make me a different kind of Christian but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.” I’m about ready to be done with attending women studies. I do many online Bible studies where the only book used is the Bible, God’s truth. Thank you for this article & for the responses as well. JOYFULLY HIS❤️
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January 28, 2024 at 6:12 am
Sounds very familiar, sadly. Thank you for your comments.
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April 7, 2022 at 12:44 pm
A friend posted this on my facebook. So so true. I love good meaty theology. If I want a coffee and chat I can do coffee. I love mixed groups its difficult to get the same richness in discussion in single sex groups. Thanks for speaking up I thought I was a rare animal. Though having said that quite a few of my friends love the conversations “babies and breast feeding” etc unfortunately or fortunately I didn’t get the gene.
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January 21, 2022 at 4:59 am
Thanks for opening up about this. I started Going to Community Bible study years ago with both men and women and its such a difference. We study Gods word not women’s trends.
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January 21, 2022 at 6:12 pm
I’m so glad you found a place to learn and grow. Blessings!
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January 2, 2018 at 5:51 am
Thank you for writing this truthful rant. Your honesty is so refreshing and important. I’ve been extremely blessed to have been part of a challenging, in-depth womens’ Bible study at my church for the past few years. Our main leader has a masters level degree in theology and has a deep love of the Word and the women. She is a gifted teacher who has created in us an excitement and a hunger for extensive, rich study of the Bible. No inane workbooks that distract, but pure study of the books of the bible.
But recently, she has been removed and replaced by a young woman who has never led a bible study. The whole format has changed to the most shallow bible tinged fluff on the market. In fact, “you really don’t even need to bring a bible.” Apparently not. The only thing it’s used for is taking a verse out of context here and there to make a point about some trivial topic.
This is such a profound loss and has made me question the direction the church I’ve been a part of for 15 years. It even seems like our beloved Bible loving pastor is doing more entertaining than teaching. Just get ’em in the doors. We’ll even show movies and pop popcorn. Who needs a sermon. It seems to have turned into church “light.” The problem is though, I have been searching for a real bible study all over my city. Much to my dismay, I’m finding the same thing everywhere.
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January 2, 2018 at 4:35 pm
It seems to be a common problem. I’ve discovered that even in churches where the pastors are committed to teaching God’s word, the women’s studies are still lacking. And many churches in general are definitely becoming “light.” I’ve also discovered that if you express concerns about fluffiness you can be branded a troublemaker. It’s a difficult spot to be in. Thank you for your comment!
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March 24, 2017 at 2:48 am
This is exactly how I feel about women’s bible studies! I’m a 35 year old mother of 5 and a homeschooler. Rather rare in my thinking compared to my contemporaries, as I have very biblical world view. I am in one now, not because I want do the study itself, but for the fellowship: fyi my husband is on a year long deployment, I need the fellowship! We are doing a Cytnia Heald study, Becoming a Woman of Purpose , while its not a Beth Moore study(don’t even get me started on her) it still feels lacking any true depth in the studying of God’s word. Questions like: How would you explain “waiting on God” to a friend? And “How might I be hindering God’s desire to make me like his Son?”
While on the surfuce these are good questions, I feel as though they are all focused on self, correct me if am I wrong by all means. I would like to do a study on the proper way to excegete scripture, hermeneutics or ‘gasp’ who I am in light of God’s word. I totally agree that men tend to do studies on more meaty topics, as though us ladies couldn’t handle any deep topics because it might offend our delicate senseabilities,’gasp’ (you mean there are ladies that like to think anylitically). Say isn’t so! Sorry for the bit of sarcasm.
The Henry Morris study bible is excellent, it expounds on the culture in which the text is being written or what was the custom of the day and even the why’s of certain words and why they were used and not others. ‘Sigh’ Its hard to find a bible study for women that is not fluffy cotton candy filled tripe.
While the book and it’s entirety says that our purpose is to be confirmed to the image of Christ, which it is, the fluff and stuff to get to that end, it is in my opinion lacking true meatyness and depth.
It may also be the format of the book and it’s question that bothers me. But never or less your article hit it on the nail about I feel about these women’s bible studies. For awhile I though it was just me; 😃so that’s my 32 cents!
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March 24, 2017 at 4:01 pm
Fluff seems to the norm in women’s Bible studies these days. I don’t quite understand why a Bible study for women has to be tailored for women rather than simply for Christians. Why not just do in depth studies of specific books of the Bible? And why all the touchy feely questions? How about questions pertaining to the culture of the time or the meaning of specific words in Greek or Hebrew? But I guess some women like all the emotionally related aspects of those studies, otherwise, they wouldn’t use them.
Thanks so much for your comment. It’s nice to know there are a few women out there who share a similar viewpoint. Blessings!
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February 28, 2017 at 2:07 am
In doing some research on what biblical submission really is, I ran across your post on “The Misdiagnosis of ‘Submissive Wives Guide to Marriage'” and found it really helpful. So much so that I’m planning on sharing some of the main points of your post at . . . . a women’s Bible study, of all things! Hope that’s ok.
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February 28, 2017 at 3:19 pm
Certainly! I would be honored.
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August 21, 2016 at 8:59 pm
Wow. You mean I’m not the only one. But I go one further. I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE FOOD!! I don’t want to share recipes. Or talk about children,or grandchildren, or marriages, or the house, or diseases, or church picnics and/or parties; or a hundred other “women” thing. I want deep, profound Bible Study, with great illustrations of how God has worked in lives for MINISTRY.
Usually I find myself in a room with a bunch of men, realize I’m the only female and should probably make my way to the kitchen where the women are—–but the conversation (even in religious settings) bores me to tears! So back to the men I go,
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August 22, 2016 at 3:50 pm
It is tempting to want to gravitate to the men’s studies since they tend to be more meaty. But as much as I rant and rave about women’s studies I do recognize that women need each other. Thanks for your comment!
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April 16, 2015 at 8:45 pm
Agree disagree the Bible is alive the words then still speak today if we are willing to accept that. Why not bring the food you like and share; I get the healthy food and the comfort food ideas and try to respect both, the key in moderation they say.The Bible speaks of murmuring etc I am really working on not doing it. Will it bring change or edify? I am in a group and the verse can be almost quoted word for word, but still the true meaning is avoided,my soul aches that the truth is not realized. I do cry,laugh sometimes all at once, if my being sensitive offends then why if my emotion is genuine, also when the Holy Ghost is on the scene tears are just the beginning wait for the fireworks dynamic.The topics could have more meat less fluff, more dance, be willing to be move and groove, dig deeper seek the true heart of the IT IS WRITTEN not theology, well I think, none of that matters if at any point it contradicts the Bible. Be charitiable, be honest, be real!
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April 15, 2015 at 12:45 pm
You are NOT alone! Ever word, well said.
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April 10, 2015 at 9:14 pm
And here I thought I was the only one who felt this way. Seriously.
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April 10, 2015 at 9:48 pm
We should start a sisterhood. 🙂
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February 9, 2015 at 10:11 pm
LOL! Back in the day when the food was good I always wished women would copy their recipes and leave them by their dishes. Bible Study – Recipe Co-op… wouldn’t that have been a good idea? 2 for the price of one weekly meeting!
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January 31, 2015 at 12:06 pm
You Rebel 😉
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January 29, 2015 at 5:19 pm
Big belly laughing going on here!
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January 28, 2015 at 8:00 pm
YES!!!! Love you Marty!! BTW….. You don’t need to cry, give fluffy answers or eat yucky food with me!! Now…. Let’s go get that Mac and cheese!! 🙂
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January 28, 2015 at 7:58 pm
Glad to hear it. But then everything we’ve seen at CFBC is always so well thought out, genuine, and Biblical. And I’m so happy they haven’t succumbed to the lettuce league! Thanks for your comment Judy!
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January 28, 2015 at 7:45 pm
Valid issues! CFBC Ladies Bible study has been critized for NOT being more like how you describe. (except for the food, Thurs. am has amazing food) Currently studying Job.!
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